Jul 21 / Adrian Lorains

She was waiting for me

I still think about an incident from years ago.

I had just finished a meeting about a system we were proposing to change. It was just an initial meeting, nothing fully fleshed out.

I stayed behind for a few minutes to chat with a stakeholder, thinking the hard work was done. I was wrong. As I walked back to my desk, the corridor was clear, but the open-plan office around it was full of people.

A senior manager from the meeting was waiting for me. She didn't pull me aside. She stepped right into my path, loud enough for the nearby desks to hear.

"We have already tried that, and it failed," she said. "We should abandon this right now." I paused. It felt like an ambush.

Ghosts of Changes Past

As I looked at her, I realised something.

She wasn't reacting to this current proposed change. She was reacting to a ghost. She was carrying the scar tissue of a past change about this topic that had gone wrong.

I didn't push back. Instead, I asked a few gentle questions.

It turned out the "failure" she was remembering was a complex system build and replacement. What we were discussing was a smaller, more focused system update.

They were completely different. The only thing in common was that word, "change".

So she was reminded of the ghosts of changes past.

Building a Common Language

What we lacked was a common language.

That moment in the open-plan office changed how I approach initial discussions.

I realised that unless we frame the change, we trigger everyone's old wounds.

We need to agree on three things: Type, Focus, and Size.

Once I explained the difference to her using those three filters, the tension reduced. She was open to a discussion.

Definitely not yet on board, but at least open to attending the next meeting.

How do you discuss changes

Changing with Confidence Mini Course

If you want to start speaking the same language of change you can do this using a Stop-Start-Continue template or join the discussion in the Free Changing with Confidence Mini Course.

Changing with Confidence Book

If you want to learn more about how we can build a common language around change to bring everyone onto the same page, then grab Changing with Confidence or book a call with Adrian.
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